


Find you

by ythurielle



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Exes to Lovers, Getting Back Together, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Orgasm Delay/Denial, Porn with Feelings, Post-Canon, Requited Unrequited Love, very mild angst with a happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:48:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28415646
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ythurielle/pseuds/ythurielle
Summary: Waking up in Asra's arms like this is something that never happened to Julian before.
Relationships: Asra/Julian Devorak
Comments: 4
Kudos: 57





	Find you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sonagi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonagi/gifts).



> • written for a dear friend as a christmas exchange gift  
> • please excuse my typos, i've read this so many times i can't see them anymore OTL  
> • bgm: [Find you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5CfVOqGuPI) by Monsta X

Waking up in Asra's arms like this is something that has never happened to Julian before. 

It’s a comfort he’s often fantasized about, back when things between them were messy and unbalanced. He isn't sure if it’s real now, but the fingers in his hair feel tangible, the soft puffs of hot air against his neck raising goosebumps on his skin. He's feverish. Maybe he’s still dreaming. He keeps his eyes shut, not wanting the illusion to end yet. Oh, how long has he been yearning for this, how many times he imagined, hoping without hope, even after it all got complicated and ugly… 

Julian gradually becomes aware of the dull ache in various places of his body. His memories of last night are hazy - he can vaguely recall a commotion in the palace, interrupting a nice party - metallic screeches, shouting, dark purple smoke… then just blackness.

He blinks his eyes open slowly and looks around.

The soft light of dawn is seeping through the curtainless window, painting the small room in cosy pink and dull shadows. It’s still too dark to make out the details clearly, but the bedroom undeniably belongs to Asra: the light blankets, the pile of magic books on the bedside table and on the shelves, the organized chaos all over makes Julian smile. He's never been here, but heard about this place, this tiny shack in Nopal that Asra calls home. Just the fact of being here fills Julian's chest with warmth.

His breath hitches as he recognizes Faust curled up on the windowsill between two pots of blooming cacti. Julian fights the urge to squirm farther from the window. Asra's snake tends to squeeze Julian tightly for no apparent reason when they happen upon each other, maybe just wanting to play, but that’s not the type of restriction Julian is fond of. Fortunately Faust seems to be asleep now, much like her master.

Turning his head a bit, Julian tries to look at Asra. His head’s a sweet weight on Julian's shoulder, so close to him that Julian can’t see him properly. From this angle he can only make out the white mop of hair on top of his head and the tip of his nose, but it’s enough. Carefully he tightens his arms around Asra, pulling him closer, ignoring the slight pain in his protesting limbs and his side. 

His fidgeting makes Asra stirr. Julian tenses, waiting for his reaction, preparing for him to pull away. 

Asra rarely allowed cuddling back then outside of the few minutes of afterglow after sex. He preferred to keep some emotional distance between them, going back to minding their own business shortly after their private encounters. For Asra, their relationship used to be just a physical affair on top of a tentative friendship, a distraction from duties, a means to relieve stress in a desperate situation. Julian hungrily took what little the magician offered. He needed Asra, he wasn’t in the mental space to say no, however pitiful his situation was. He was way past pride at that point. Trying to find the cure for the Red Plague consumed him and most of his sanity.

Things were different now, three years later. Trying to heal, they both left Vesuvia and each other, and when the recent events brought them back together, they were able to settle on a more equal footing. Their friendship, rebuilt from scratch without the complication of physicality, is stronger now, deeper and more balanced. Asra has given no indication that he wants more than this, and Julian is content with this arrangement. He’s quite good at being Asra’s friend, even though it only took him a few weeks after meeting again to fall head over heels back in love with him. Still he does his best to not shift the dynamics, because it seems one thing hasn’t changed: having Asra in his life as a friend was better than not having him at all.

Asra's hand lazily slips down from Julian's hair to rest his palm on his jaw, thumb cressing his cheek.

“Go back to sleep, Ilya” he mumbles without looking up, and as so many times in the past, Julian feels powerless against him. Like this, surrounded by his warmth, it’s so easy to forget that Asra is not his. 

At least Julian belongs to Asra. He knew that the first time around but he’s even more sure of it now. 

Whatever Asra's closeness means tonight, if this is all Julian is allowed to have, he’s determined to fully enjoy it. If everything goes wrong after this night, he will blame his weakness on the fever and deal with the consequences later. He nuzzles into Asra's hair, breathes in his stardust scent and lets it lull him back to sleep.

✧

When Julian wakes up later, his head feels clearer and the dull ache is gone from his body. This time the room is bathed in gold desert light around him by the afternoon sunshine. He's alone in the bed, even Faust is gone from the windowsill, but he can see Asra in the kitchen area. 

Julian takes in his slender form as Asra twirls around, banging around with small pots and dishes. The smell of food and medicine mixes in the air deliciously as Asra prepares both simultaneously. Julian sits up to watch him silently. 

Asra looks in his element here, letting his magic flow freely as he makes the water boil, commands the knives to cut the vegetable for him and stirs the pots with just a flick of his wrists. Julian wants more than anything to hug him from behind, to press a kiss into the crook of his neck and ask if he needs any help. He wants it so much his heart constricts with it. 

He allows himself one more long moment to soak up this feeling, this terrible domesticity he was never meant to witness, but when Asra starts humming quietly, Julian knows he needs to leave. 

The floor cracks under his feet as he climbs out of the bed. Asra turns to him immediately. 

“Oh, you’re awake” Asra smiles at him warmly, looking at him up and down, and Julian is very glad that he has his pants on at least. “Are you feeling well enough to come to the table? Lunch is almost ready.”

“Bathroom first” Julian manages. He needs a moment to get himself together.

“Of course” Asra smiles again and points him to the small bathroom. 

Julian washes up quickly, taking note of the small bruises on his ribs. He can’t find any other injuries and even these don’t hurt anymore. His memories from last night are starting to return. From what he can pierce together, a rookie mage animated an armor in the palace to impress a girl, but lost control of it. It was about to hit their apprentice but Julian was able to push them out of the way, taking the blow himself. 

Julian sighs deeply. Asra will surely scold him for his self-sacrificing tendencies again. It likely won’t be a pretty talk, but Julian’s guts twist in anticipation. Asra will scold him because he cares for Julian _as a friend_ , and Julian will dodge his worries with a self-deprecating joke, only to bask in it later when he’s alone.

The cool water on his skin calms him. He's _fine._ He tells this quietly to his reflection in the mirror and starts to believe it. He can do this. 

He can put on his usual mask, sit across Asra and pretend that he doesn’t feel the hopeless longing that burns inside him. This will be just another friendly interaction, just having lunch together, then he can slip away. Maybe walk all the way back to Portia’s on foot while overanalyzing and compartmentalizing every interaction, then annoy his little sister until he feels at peace again. It will be alright.

✧

It is not alright.

It isn’t alright from the moment Julian leaves the bathroom and Asra hands him his shirt, freshly washed and free of any damage from last night. Their hands brush as Julian takes it, the small touch raises goosebumps all over his arm, even after spending the night basically cuddling, or maybe exactly _because_ of that. He looks up into Asra’s eyes who meets his gaze with something unfamiliar swirling deep behind his purple irises. The moment stretches infinitely long and Julian realizes with a drop of this stomach that he severely underestimated last night’s effect on him. Something snaps in him. 

He forces himself to sit down to eat with Asra because it would be rude to throw the gesture back into his face even if Asra has done enough for him already by healing him last night. They eat in tense silence. Maybe it’s only tense on Julian's side, but he feels like he’s about to unreveal at his seams. He hangs on. He won’t run away.

When they are both finished, Asra puts a small cup of a mysterious green liquor in front of him. Julian downs it obediently, ignoring its sour taste. He looks at Asra with a heavy exhale, waiting for the inevitable with a faint smile.

Asra sighs too before he starts. “You shouldn’t have done that, Ilya. You don’t have your healing mark anymore.”

“And let our precious apprentice die?” Julian smiles wider. Now that it’s started, it is easier. “Muriel would have fed me to his wolf.”

“Maybe you should leave the fighting part to Muriel next time.”

“Oh yes, because I’m just a feeble plague doctor who can’t take care of himself” Julian presses his wrist to his forehead dramatically. “How lucky I was to have you by my side to save me” he flutters his eyelashes at Asra, hoping to lighten his mood. It doesn’t work.

“That’s not what I meant” Asra shakes his head, frowning. “You’re still so reckless as if you're invincible, so eager to throw yourself in danger’s way. I know you do it because you want to do the right thing for others, but you need to stop acting so selfish and maybe think of us, your friends, your family, too! We might have magic and extraordinary skills, but how do you think we would feel if we failed to save you one time?” his voice raises before he pauses, adding quietly, “We can’t lose you.”

Suddenly it’s too much. The gist of this speech is familiar, Julian has heard it countless times, from Portia, from Mazelinka, from Asra, from their apprentice, even from Nadia, and he _knows_ , he knows he has to stop acting like a martyr, and he’s trying, he thinks he’s really getting better at finding the balance, but hiccups like last night still happen every now and then. They can’t expect him not to protect his loved ones after all! He just needs to find safer methods. 

All of this, Julian knows already. It’s the last part that breaks him. There’s something soft in Asra’s voice that makes his heart clench. He looks at Asra silently, unable to come up with an answer.

“I’m just trying to look out for you,” Asra says, his expression strangely pleading. Julian’s throat feels tight around a lump. He needs to leave. So much for not running away.

“I know. You’re a good friend, Asra” he squeezes out, standing up. “I should go. Thank you for everything.”

He takes a step towards the door, but Asra catches his wrist, face open and maybe a bit scared, “Please stay.”

Julian swallows hard. Despite his best efforts, something has shifted. He doesn’t feel strong enough to hide anymore. He’s terrified but he's not sure he can leave this house with his heart still intact either way. Either Asra will break it if he stays and his feelings spill out, or he will break it himself by leaving. He cannot win.

At least they should talk. Asra deserves his honesty.

✧

It’s agony, sitting across Asra and trying to come up with the correct words on the fly. 

If Julian had time to plan this, he probably would have tried to find the perfect poem to express his feelings. Maybe he would have written a poem himself. Now his head is empty while his chest is full. He feels naked and foolish. Asra pulled him back onto a chair next to him, the table in not in between them now but at their sides, providing no sense of a barrier to hide behind. Julian feels like dissociating a bit, but Asra’s fingers, still wrapped around his wrist, keep him grounded.

It’s Asra who speaks first after what feels like an eternity, but probably was only a minute or two.

“Ilya, look at me” he requests and Julian complies. It’s hard to meet Asra’s eyes now, those beautiful deep eyes watching him searchingly. “You know you’re important to me, right?”

This Julian knows, this he can answer.

“Of course. You’re important to me too, we’re friends.”

Asra shakes his head slightly. “Yes, we are, but there is more.”

“Asra...” Julian gasps, both in fright and relief. There it goes. He’s grateful to be found out and confronted. It’s easier this way. He’ll get his rejection in a minute and then he can start thinking about picking up the pieces. Again. He’s good at that. Better than existing in this strangling limbo of being too close but not close enough. His admission is a quiet but resolute sigh, “Yes, there is more.” 

Then he waits.

Asra’s fingers tighten around his wrist as he moves closer to Julian, dragging his chair along.

“I know I hurt you in the past,” he says slowly, voice full of regret. “I've been so selfish, I used you. I’m so sorry, Ilya. You deserved better, you deserve better. Please forgive me. I wasn't ready to open my heart to you” Asra bites his lower lip, looking down for a moment before lifting his head back up to face Julian, eyes shining. “But if you still want me that way, I'm ready now.”

His words leave Julian disoriented. He barely registers the apology, because honestly he never needed one. He knew exactly what he was getting into back then, and even if he ended up getting hurt, he never blamed Asra for any of it. But that last part? Is he dreaming? Is he still lying unconscious somewhere on the floor somewhere in the palace, his imagination running wild? Is this an illusion?

Asra is still watching him, looking more worried by his lack of reaction by the minute. “Ilya?”

Julian still can’t really believe what’s happening, he wasn’t prepared for this turn of events, but he can’t leave Asra without an answer. He promised honesty after all.

“I’m yours,” he says. It’s a bold statement, maybe too straightforward, but fundamentally true. 

Asra is beaming, a happy little laugh dances past his lips as he tugs on Julian’s arm, pulling him forward gently as much as he leans in to kiss him. 

It's just a soft brush of lips at first, but it's so precious - Asra didn't kiss him often back then. He didn't evade Julian's kisses when they were intimate, but rarely initiated them. With the knowledge that the sentiment behind it is real, this kiss feels brilliant. Julian feels tears gathering behind his closed eyes. It shouldn’t be this easy, yet it seems it is. Julian sighs into the kiss, finally allowing himself to relax and _believe_. 

Asra licks between his lips, and Julian can’t help the small noise that escapes him as he wraps his arms around the magician’s waist to pull him closer. Asra climbs into his lap eagerly, linking his arms around Julian's neck. As the kiss deepens, so does their desire to be closer to each other. Julian can’t get enough. 

Asra must feel the same way because as their tongues slide together passionately, he pushes forward, pressing his whole body against Julian. The contact makes Julian tremble. Asra is deliciously hard against his abdomen, and Julian doesn't hesitate to roll his hips up in return, showing Asra his matching hunger. The magician moans into his mouth and presses back against him, creating a chain reaction. Soon they are both breathless, unable to stop, needing more.

“Take me to bed?” Asra pants in his ear and Julian couldn’t be happier to do so.

✧

Asra is beautiful. He looks healthier with the bit of weight he put on in the last few months, no longer starved due to the stress of their recent misadventures with Lucio and the Devil. Of course he was always breathtaking, even back then during the first plague, with sadness in his eyes and his ribs showing, but now he's almost glowing. And this time, Julian gets to admire him fully.

Julian undressed him slowly after depositing him on the bed and now he's re-learning Asra with his lips and the tip of his fingers. The golden skin is hot under his touches, he still remembers Asra's sensitive spots and exploits them shamelessly, greedy for Asra's reactions. His lover - _oh gods, Julian is allowed to call him that for real now_ \- isn't afraid to let him know how much he likes the intense attention directed at him. He doesn't hold back his excited little gasps and moans, his fingers are tightening in Julian's hair every now and then. 

Julian could worship him through the sunset and until sunrise, but Asra stops him before he could get too far, pushing the shirt off his shoulders and unbuckling his pants. Julian lets him. When he's naked too, he settles over Asra who receives him with open arms and open mouth, kissing him back eagerly. Their bodies move together without barriers this time. Julian can't help the way his hips start a rock slowly, rubbing his erection against Asra's again and again. His lover matches his movements, all the while kissing him, keeping him close in a hug with his arms and a leg hooked around Julian's body. 

Julian is so happy, he never wants to leave this place, never wants to leave Asra's embrace, he wants to give his lover everything he has. He gets lost in the slow grind and his lover. The pleasureable heat that gathers in his core starts to tighten dangerously, he realizes it almost too late and he can't--- he can't let this end already.

Julian pulls away with a grunt, putting some distance between them with great difficulty, but he lets his forehead rest on Asra's collar bone. Asra nuzzles him as soon as catches his breath. 

“What’s wrong?” His fingers are back in Julian's hair, massaging his scalp comfortingly. Gods, his lover knows him so well and Julian is so weak for him.

“Got too close,” he admits, there is no point in hiding it. He's taking deep breaths, each helps him to calm down more.

“Oh, Ilya…” Asra pushes him away just enough that they can make eye contact. His voice comes out as a deep purr as he asks, “Do you want to play like this?”

“Yes.” Julian has no doubt of what he wants now. He wants what they used to have and more. He wants Asra, he wants everything. “I want it to last.” 

They both know what that means. Asra caresses Julian's cheek as he considers him, brushing his thumb across his lower lip. Julian meets it with the tip of his tongue before he could think about it.

“Let me know if it gets too much. Still remember our words?”

“I do.”

Asra smiles and pulls him down for another deep kiss. Julian can feel the moment when Asra decides to take charge, and in the next second he finds himself on his side lying next to Asra. A strong, slender leg rubs against his thigh as Asra pulls his knee up to wrap it high around Julian's waist. Julian's palm glides up and down on his thigh before gripping tighter, pulling his lover flush against him. 

Asra gasps and blinks at him theatrically, his fake scandalized expression sends a bolt down Julian's spine. Asra leans up to bite into the lobe of his ear before whispering, “Do you want to do a favor for me?”

“Anything” Julian replies hotly, and Asra shudders in his arms.

After rewarding him with another brief kiss, Asra reaches down to take Julian's hand from his thigh and intertwine their fingers. It's such a small gesture but it jolts a moan out of Julian. They never held hands like this. His heart sings of joy.

All too soon Asra pulls back from the kiss and loosens his grip. He turns Julian's hand upwards, then draws a simple symbol into his palm with his fingertip. Julian watches in awe as cool liquid gathers in his palm, clear and viscous. Asra reaches into the small puddle and spreads the fluid on Julian's fingers, covering them thoroughly. When he's satisfied, he guides Julian's hand under him.

“Open me up” he requests. He doesn't have to ask twice. Julian only teases him for a bit, massaging the area around his hole briefly before breaching the small opening carefully. They both sigh. Asra always liked this part and Julian also enjoys it immensely - he's making room for himself in his lover, now he thinks he's doing it in more than one way. When they will be joined properly this time, it won't be just sex for sex's sake, they are making love and merging their bodies tonight will mean the start of something new. 

Anticipation boils tight in Julian's abdomen, but he distracts himself by focusing on Asra's reactions, his soft moans, the small movement of his hips as he alternates between rubbing his cock against Julian's stomach and trying to get closer to his fingers. Sadly the angle is too awkward for Julian to reach his prostate but he tries his best to stimulate Asra with one finger, then two and three, peppering his scrunched up face with tiny kisses until he relaxes fully.

Just before Julian starts to lose his patience, Asra deems himself ready enough. He turns Julian onto his back and straddles him. He conjures up more lube to lather Julian's cock with, his grip is frustratingly loose, merely functional. Julian's grateful for the lack of teasing, he craves to be inside Asra, he can't wait anymore.

Asra flashes him a smile, holding him steady as he finally takes him inside and descends down. Julian stares up at his lover, afraid to blink, afraid to move. He missed this, Asra's breathtaking expression at the first penetration, the way his frown smooths out as he sinks deep, the way his lips twitch almost in a smile of relief. He's so beautiful like this with his eyes closed, drawing in shuddering breaths as he lets himself get used to the feeling of being so fully invaded. Asra feels wonderful around Julian, slick and tight, and Julian can barely hold back from thrusting up into him, but it's not his decision. He wants to be good for Asra.

Asra takes hold of both of Julian's hands, fingers interlaced, using them as leverage as he starts to move. Julian strains to stay still, it’s a hard task but so worth it for the sight of Asra taking his pleasure, it always gets Julian hotter than anything. The way his body undulates, head tipping back when he finds the perfect angle, his grip tight around Julian’s fingers, his body’s clutch around his cock even tighter as Asra picks up the pace, pushing them both towards their peak.

Julian bucks up without meaning to and Asra stills at once. He lets go of one of Julian’s hands to press a palm under his navel, holding him down. Julian whimpers.

“Shh,” Asra leans down to kiss him slowly, distracting him a bit. “Just stay still and let me use you.”

The order makes Julian tremble, he can’t fight back a moan. Asra gives him another moment to regain his resolve, then starts riding him again. 

It's mind-blowing. Julian feels every movement in his whole body, his fingers and toes tingle, his muscles tense and relax without his say so, his spine arches--- he's right there on the edge faster than he expected, way faster than he's ready for it. It's overwhelming, he has to---

“No.” Asra's voice is kind, but firm, grounding. 

Julian gasps, “I can't, please?”

He’s so close, it would take so little, but Asra doesn’t give in. “Stay still.”

Julian freezes, and it's so hard, feels like teetering on the very edge of a cliff. He barely dares to breathe. Asra is motionless above him, too, seated deep in his lap, only clenching involuntarily every now and then while he strokes Julian’s chest and stomach gently, steering them farther from the precipice.

When they are back on safe waters, Asra starts moving again. He lets Julian move with him this time, meeting him from thrust to thrust, their bodies colliding harder than before. The pleasure builds even faster this time. Just after a few minutes Julian has to grip Asra's hips to keep him still.

“I'm sorry” he pants, fingers digging into Asra’s hip bones as he tries to ground himself. 

Asra smiles at him. “It's okay, sweetheart.” The endearment in itself sends another wave of pleasure through Julian. Asra has never been this tender with him. Julian feels like floating already. “We'll do something else.”

Asra pulls off of him. Losing his warmth from around him makes Julian shudder, but he has no time to mourn the loss as his lover shuffles forward on his knees until he straddles Julian's shoulders. His gorgeous cock bobs just above Julian’s chin. He can't help reaching for it with his lips hungrily.

“Ah-ah, ask for it nicely” Asra chides him with a fond smile, raking his fingers through Julian's hair a few times almost patronizingly. Julian is starving for him, he swallows hard.

“May I, please?”

“Of course.” Asra pushes forward a bit, letting Julian take him in his mouth. Julian hooks an arm around Asra’s thighs to pull him closer. He can’t get in deep from this angle, but Julian is determined to make the best of it. The weight of Asra’s cock is comforting on his tongue, he missed it so much. The head presses against the ridges of his palate as Asra rocks back and forth gently. He tastes amazing, Julian nurses and slurps and sucks around him sloppily, he can’t get enough. 

Julian isn’t sure what he likes more, when he gets to make Asra come over and over while having to wait, or when Asra keeps teasing and denying both of them until the end. Both options are exhilarating. Today seems like the latter, because Asra shudders and pulls back when his cock starts leaking and hardening even more.

Julian lets him go with a disappointed sigh. Asra doesn’t let him wallow in it, he pulls Julian with him as he scoots back until they are both sitting. Only now does Asra let go of his hand so he can hug Julian tight while he takes him into his body again.

They are completely wrapped around each other in an embrace, Julian never felt closer to anyone. He feels so comfortable and safe here, enveloped in Asra’s warmth. He’s still at awe that he gets to have this. He pulls Asra into a kiss and his lover meets him eagerly, looping his arms around Julian’s shoulders. He only pulls back for a fraction when they need to breathe as they sway together gently. Asra looks amazingly disheveled by now, shivering as Julian strokes his back, a small smile ever so present in the corner of his mouth. Julian doesn’t remember ever seeing him smiling this much.

“I can feel you throbbing, you must be so close” Asra notes amusedly and Julian realizes with a jolt that it’s true.

“Asra…!”

“Not yet, sweetheart” his lover says, his fingers finding their way back into Julian's hair on the back of his head, holding him close. “Hold it back, Ilya, I want to enjoy you some more.”

Julian listens. He buries his face in Asra's shoulder, breathing deep, letting the caressing fingers calm him even as Asra continues to rock in his lap, rubbing off on him. He concentrates all his attention on his lover, his reactions, his closeness. He manages to dull his burning arousal only slightly, but it does help. He finds his balance soon, his body ablaze but his mind is at peace. He knows Asra will take care of him. 

When they stop this time, it’s more for Asra's sake. He’s panting and shaking badly, obviously close to his own breaking point, yet it is still him who asks, “Good?”

Julian no longer has words to express how this all feels, but ‘good’ doesn’t even come close to it. “Mhm.”

Asra leans his forehead against Julian as he breathes deep, eyes open but hazy. When he’s ready, he grabs Julian’s arms by the bicepses. 

“Turn us over” he instructs with almost none of his earlier composure left. Julian cradles his nape and his waist as he tips Asra back, lowering him gently onto the bed, careful to keep them joined. When Julian is settled firmly over him held up on his elbows, Asra pets his arms. “There you go, sweetheart. Now fuck me. Slowly.”

Julian goes as slow as he can in his current state. Holding back his feral body is a struggle, but he wants to be good for Asra. He adjusts his hips to a well-practiced angle and finds Asra's prostate on the first try. It feels like victory. Asra's reaction is almost violent, he cries out, back bowing up from the bed in a disconcertingly high arch. Julian realizes again that his lover has been holding back just as long as he has. It puts him into a new gear, makes it easier to focus on giving Asra pleasure instead of thinking about his own. He wants to make Asra feel good, now that he has been granted some control, he wants to make him fly.

“May I?” his hand hovers over Asra's cock curving above his abs, flushed dark red and leaking precum. Julian wishes he had the flexibility to lean down and suck him while still fucking him.

“Yes, please, please” Asra mewls. “Make me come!”

Julian takes him in hand and matches his strokes to this thrust, still relatively slow but deep and unrelenting. 

Asra breaks apart in the most beautiful way. Julian always finds satisfaction in Asra's orgasms as much as in his own, he loves making Asra come any way he can, but he loves this the most, when Asra is convulsing around him, moaning loudly with pulse after pulse as his pleasure overtakes him, his release coating Julian’s fingers and their stomach. Julian is panting in sympathy, it must feel so intense after a long teasing like this. He lets Asra ride it out at his own pace until his body sags back on the mattress tiredly. 

Julian keeps still while he watches Asra come down from the clouds slowly, not wanting to overstimulate or hurt him, but he’s shaking with the effort. He’s been pushed to his very limits without him fully recognizing it, but now he’s actively aware of every cell of his body, all haywire and quivering for that one last touch, one last word of permission that would push him to his climax. 

Asra blinks up at him with such unmasked adoration that Julian tears up, emotionally overcome by the intensity of the afternoon. He barely recognizes his own voice as he pleads, 

“Asra, please, I can’t, please let me…!”

Asra is quick to comfort him with soft words and a hand on his cheek. 

“Shh, you’ve been so good for me, so good” Asra jams his free hand between them, dipping his fingers into the mess there, then reaches around Julian and pushes his fingers into him without warning. Julian lurches forward, they both groan as he presses into his lover deeper. Asra pulls him down for one last kiss before whispering, “It's okay, come for me now, _love_.”

It's that last word, breathed hotly against the shell of his ear that pushes Julian over the edge. His breath hitches as his whole body locks up in delicious tension, pleasure burning through him in waves of fire, devastating him completely before it leaves him sated and blissfully empty.

He collapses on Asra helplessly, who caresses his back, his hair, his face, content with holding him until he gathers himself enough to roll to the side. Asra moves with him, burying his face into Julian’s neck as he drapes an arm around him. 

Julian is still a bit out of it but comes to his senses at once when he feels hot droplets landing on his skin. He sits up, taking Asra with him so he can look at his lover properly. Asra is crying.

“What's wrong, darling?” Julian asks, taking Asra's face in his palms, stroking his tears away. Asra hiccups before he can answer, fingers coming up to wrap around Julian's wrist.

“You've been so good for me, Ilya, you're always so good to me” he turns his face to press a kiss into Julian's palm. “I'm sorry it took me so long to realize how much I love you.”

"Oh, Asra… I love you too, so much. Always have and always will.” 

He pulls Asra into a tight hug, stroking his hair. “What have I done to deserve you?” he muses quietly with his lips pressed against the crown of Asra’s head.

Asra pulls away to meet his gaze.

“It's not about deserving, but… Ever since we met again, you always took such good care of me. And not just me, all our friends as well. You learned from your past mistakes and improved so much. Your intentions are good and your heart is pure. You're a wonderful person and I will do everything I can to make you believe that one day."

It's Julian's turn to cry then and Asra's to pet him through it. They are both a mess right now, but it's okay. A lot has happened and it will take a bit of time for them to process everything. They will talk about it more later. For now, they are both content with holding each other close and basking in the knowledge that they are together, loving and being loved in return.

**Author's Note:**

> • you can find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/ythurielle) OuO


End file.
